June 7, 2009 § 2 Comments
I like blogging because I get to keep a record of my happenings and share my experiences with people I care about without repetitively writing the same e-mails, but at the same time it’s hard for me because I am a pretty private person and I don’t like sharing personal things with someone unless I know who they are. I’m the type of person who weeds out my facebook friends and doesn’t tag pictures because I feel like, the people who know me will know that’s me and the others who don’t, don’t need to know that. I also don’t like putting too much information on the internet because there are so many crazies out there. Lastly, its hard to be completely honest about your thoughts without potentially offending someone, which I don’t like to do. I generally like people and like to have good relationships.
Something even harder is being honest despite the consequences. I think that the most interesting blogs that I read are the most truthful. They are critical without abandon or really draw you in by letting you into their lives. Then again, others are just plain funny. One of the reasons Fmylife.com is so popular is because it has all those elements and offers the writiers anonymity.
Yesterday my brother’s girlfriend said that I was 소심에 (soshime) which is translated to “timid” on google translator but from what my brother told me, means more like “easily offended.” I guess “cautious” is another aspect of that definition. I think I am. It’s not something I like to admit and when he said it I just played it off but looking back at my track record, I do get easily affected by slight comments, even if they weren’t intentionally said that way. I try not to show it and I don’t really do anything in response but I am aware of things like that and it does bother me inside.
Ah! The prime example is when I first became the supervisor of the peer advising program at Berkeley and how I would agonize over how to make everyone excited and happy about the job and get really worried if one of my peer advisors showed the slightest sign of discontent. After I become more comfortable in that position, I gradually developed much thicker skin, grew more confident in my decisions, and I suppose, just became more professional. I feel like that is something I am going to learn with blogging too.
Anyway, the reason that came up is because I was wearing a sun dress that came a little lower than mid-thigh and as we were leaving the apartment my brother’s gf asked my brother (in front of me), “Is she going out dressed like that?” My brother and I both grew up in America so we didn’t see anything weird about what I was wearing but I didn’t want to stick out as the California girl so I went and put jeans on under. When she said that I was soshime I didn’t like it because the reason I changed wasn’t that I was offended but that I realized the cultural difference and wanted to address it, but I could see how she took it as that I got offended or overly cautious after her comment and thus wanted to change to… hmm.. appease her? I don’t think that is the best way to say that.
Anyway, I guess I’m just someone who doesn’t like bad blood. It’s funny because I don’t think I’m the most considerate person and don’t shy away from calling the kettle black but if I really care about someone, I don’t like even the slightest bit of awkwardness or conflict unless its absolutely necessary. I’m pretty good at letting things go and I really try to look at it from their perspective. I also don’t mind apologizing because I feel like if you did something to hurt someone, whether intentionally or unintentionally, you need to take responsibility and address it.
Okay well, this post is getting kind of lengthy with not a lot of substance so I guess I’ll just stop here. I’m sorry if some things I write hit too close to home but at the same time I’m not going to start censoring my thoughts because I want to accurately remember what I felt during my time here. I considered keeping a public blog and a private blog but its so much work just maintaining one that I basically combined the two. This blog is not quite as candid as the thoughts that constantly swirl around my head but then again, its very telling about my life and time here.
In conclusion, I guess James Franco is soshime too. 😉